Everything In Transit
by Coffin Of Hope
Summary: Post HighFidelity. Paige and Alex have gone their seperate ways...but it's only a matter of time before fate throws them together again.
1. White Lines

Title: Everything In Transit 

**Author: Coffin Of Hope**

**Rating: M**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with Degrassi. If I did, Paige and Alex would still be together. Nor do I own any of the lyrics used. They are property of their prospective owners. I'll make an author's note at the end of each chapter noting which songs are whose. You can take that gun away from my head Mr. Lawyer…**

"Everything In Transit" 

**Chapter One: White Lines**

_I tried to tell you I've got to get away_

_I tried to say I need my space_

_I've got to get some distance in between_

_My heart and my head_

The hardest thing I ever did was walk away from her. At the time, it was the right thing to do. We were going in different directions. I knew that if we stayed together it would all fall apart in one big catastrophe. Despite having so many reasons to end things with Paige, not a day goes by that I don't regret it.

They say you never know what true happiness is until you have truly loved, and that you can't understand what pain really is until you lose that love. It's true. I miss her. I miss everything about her. The way she'd roll her eyes when she got annoyed, or thought something was just completely ridiculous. The way she'd smirk when I made a sarcastic comment. That gorgeous half-smile she'd give me whenever I did something affectionate. The way her eyes would turn lavender as she hovered above me in the bed, her lips almost touching mine. The silky, smooth feeling of her skin under my palms. But most of all, I missed that safe feeling I felt whenever I was in her arms. I always felt like we were invincible, like nothing could touch us. Everything made sense when we touched. Every hard day we faced, every glare, every crude comment, every punch, every blow…they all seemed like spilt milk as long as I could hold her in my arms at the end of the day.

Paige and I, we fit. We were complete opposites, and yet, we fit perfectly. She was different. Different from everyone I'd ever dated. Paige and I were real. Every other relationship seemed like just a façade, a mask put on in front of the crowd. With everyone else I had been simply "So-and-so's Girlfriend." But with Paige, I was Alex. I felt more like me when I was with her than I did when I was with me. And she was Paige. We were Palex. We were inseparable. Key word "were."

I figure by now, she's moved on. After all it is September, and we broke up at the end of May. She's away at Banting and I haven't heard from her since the day before she left. I was at The Dot with Craig, Manny, and Ellie and she walked over and said a simple hello, carrying on a conversation with everyone else. But when it came time for her to leave, she asked if I would walk her to her car. So I did. She told me she'd miss me, and that she'd visit. Then she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. My cheek still burns. I think she left a scar. I can't see anything there when I look in the mirror, but I swear I can feel something there. Maybe it's just a ghost. A tiny ghost of Paige's love left on my cheek as a reminder of what I gave up.

Yeah, that sounds about right.


	2. Miss Me Baby

**Chapter Two: Miss Me Baby**

Sometimes at night I'll lay in my bed in my new apartment and I'll play a little game. I call it "What If?" I think up all these absurd scenarios that always end with Paige and me getting back together. One of my favorite scenes is where Paige shows up on my doorstep soaking wet, having ran all the way from Banting to my apartment in the pouring ran because she couldn't stop thinking about me. This will never happen for three reasons. One, Paige has no clue where I live. Two, There's no way in hell _Paige_ would run from Kingston to Toronto. And Three, because she's over me. She's moved on with some guy at Banting named Bennett. Bennett from Banting. How appropriate.

I have conformation from Craig. He went up there to visit her last weekend and seemed very uncomfortable when I asked how she was. Finally, I managed to extract the information from him (I had to buy him a cookie) and at first I was okay. But I soon as I shut the door to my apartment, I lost it.

I slid to floor and sobbed my heart out till my eyes burned and there were no more tears. I sat there all night, until sometime around three in the morning when I suddenly imagined him touching her and had to run to the bathroom to empty my stomach. I slept on the bathroom floor for two nights. It was very unpleasant.

I found myself doing exactly what you're not supposed to do after you find out your ex, whom you still have feelings for, has moved on. I started wondering what he has that I don't. Maybe he's easy to get along with. This Bennett guy, I bet he has blonde hair. Blonde hair, surfer body, captain of the football team, great grades, smart, funny, witty, never sarcastic, always smiling, always pleasant. Yeah, that sounds like my opposite. I bet he's a real charmer.

I wonder if she misses me at all?


	3. Purples and Reds

A/N: Just a few quick comments, Yes my screen name does come from the Anna Nalick song "Wreck of the Day" (Desperately close to a coffin of hope I'd cheat destiny just to be near you) I ADORE Anna Nalick. And the story title comes from the title of the Jack's Mannequin CD "Everything In Transit" Thanks for all your reviews. On with the story.

Chapter Three: Purples and Reds 

_Talk about a sunset_

_All I could see were purples and reds_

_And her silhouette waving goodbye_

_She didn't come here lookin' for love_

_And the cool thing was_

_Neither did I_

I remember the exact moment when I first realized I was in love with Paige. My mom and Chad were at each other's throats…again. I had to get out of the house so I walked to Paige's house and snuck in her window. She immediately sensed what was wrong and pulled me close, giving me a soft kiss in the process. She stood there holding me for what seemed like ages until she suddenly pulled away.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Just come here, I want to show you something." She replied, taking hold of my hand and leading me towards the window. I couldn't resist her touch or that innocent smile on her face, so I followed her outside onto the roof of the garage outside her window.

"I don't see anything." I said.

"Just be patient." She replied, nudging my hip with hers.

After a few minutes a huge smile painted itself across her features, she pointed out to the horizon where the sun was setting. I have to say, that was the second-most beautiful sight I've ever seen in my life. The sky had turned a dark red color. Purple and yellow streaked its way across the horizon like someone had taken a paintbrush, dipped it into a tin of watercolors and just sloshed it along. The sun sat there like half of a giant tangerine, giving off a magnificent orange glow.

I turned to look at Paige after hearing her sigh softly, and that was when I saw the most beautiful sight…ever. Paige was standing there, bathed in a soft orange glow that turned her blonde hair golden. Her eyes, focused on the sunset, were as bright as stars. And that smile, oh that smile. She had this innocent smile on her face, the kind of smile a little kid gets on Christmas morning. I just stood there, afraid that if I moved she'd disappear like a reflection in a pond.

After awhile she noticed my staring and turned to meet my intense gaze. Her expression softened and the smile turned to a smirk.

"What are you staring at?" She asked.

"You. You're so beautiful" I replied, tilting my head to one side.

She let out a scoff of disbelief and started to turn her head away. I reached out and touched her chin, turning her head back towards me.

"No, you are" I whispered softly. That smile spread its way across her face again and she reached up taking my hand in hers, pulling me closer. She leaned in and kissed me, ever so gently, on the lips. I pulled back and pressed my forehead to hers, leaning down slightly. It was as I felt her warm breath on my neck that I got my sudden burst of courage.

"Paige" I whispered, softly.

"Yeah?" She replied, her voice taking on a breathy tone.

"I love you," I confessed.

She raised her head up to meet my eye. Smiling softly, she placed her hands on either side of my face.

"I love you too," She whispered. Leaning in, she kissed me. And not just any kiss. A hard, passion-filled kiss that confirmed what she'd just told me.

Out of all my memories of Paige and I together, that one stays with me the most.


	4. Everybody Knows

Chapter Four: Everybody Knows

Everybody knows I'm just barely getting by 

I went for a walk with Craig today. We went to The Dot for lunch then headed to the park. It was nice. We talked about a lot of things. The thing that got to me was that he seemed to know exactly how I feel, which is a shocker because I usually am very good at hiding my true feelings. But it was like he just…knew.

"It's ok to miss her, you know," He said, giving me a knowing look.

"Who?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.

"Alex, c'mon. Don't be like that. You know exactly who I'm talking about." He said, stopping to turn and face me. I just continued to stare at the ground.

"Alex" He said again, his voice taking on a warning tone.

"It doesn't matter." I snapped, shaking my head.

"If it matters to you…" He started, but I cut him off.

"Who says it does? Who says I even care about her anymore? Huh? I broke up with her, remember? She's moved on. That's it. That's the end. We're over. I haven't even heard from her since she left. What's to miss?" I shot back.

"Well, the fact that you argued all that, but couldn't look me in the eye makes me think maybe it matters. And the fact that you look like you're about to cry." He countered.

"I'm not about to…" I trailed off as tears formed in my eyes. Damn him.

"Look me in the eye. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not in love with her anymore." He challenged.

I raised my head and looked him in the eye defiantly. But as I met his gaze, I couldn't bring myself to say it. Because the truth was, I did still love her. No matter how many times I denied it, it would still be true. I was still in love with Paige. I lowered my gaze and continued to walk. Craig didn't gloat. In fact, he didn't say anything. He just walked beside me in silence until we returned to The Dot. We traded goodbyes, his voice taking on an understanding tone. And then I walked home. And that was that.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so closed up.


	5. So Understand

Chapter Five: So Understand

The closer I look is the farther that you get 

_Already stubborn skin thickens_

_In a valiant attempt to understand_

_So understand_

_There's no stopping this_

_I got tired of waiting, waiting, and I'm still waiting…_

_When the guilt subsides the night begins_

_Came as a gift from a good friend_

_That disapproves_

_But understands_

It's almost Christmas. Christmas is my favorite holiday. There's something about the way everyone goes all out. I mean, you don't see people buying and decorating obnoxiously large trees for Easter or Thanksgiving, now do you? I don't know. Maybe it's the whole innocent thing. Like, everything just seems magical around Christmas time. Even my mom would sober up and start acting like she cared around Christmas. Though, we never had another Christmas tree since my dad died when I was 6.

I always told myself that when I got my own place, I was going to buy the biggest Christmas tree ever and go all out decorating it. So that's exactly what I did. Yesterday, Craig, Ellie, Jimmy and myself all went Christmas tree hunting. We got the biggest tree we could find (that would still fit in my apartment) and went wild decorating it. It's got everything. Except popcorn strings. We tried it…but Craig and Ellie kept eating them as fast as Jimmy and I were stringing them. Jim got fed up and said forget it. Which led to a popcorn war. We declared it a draw after Craig accidentally threw popcorn down my shirt…causing me to almost pummel him.

Later on, after the tree was decorated, we all sat around the living room drinking apple cider. Ok, so it was heated apple juice, whatever. When the talk turned to Paige.

"Have you talked to Paige lately?" Jimmy asked, looking at me with a rehearsed neutral expression.

"Why would I have?" I asked back.

"I don't know. I was just wondering if you two had talked." He replied.

"Maybe you should call her." Ellie suggested.

"Now why would I do that?" I challenged.

"I don't know, Alex. I can think of a couple reasons why you would want to call her." Jimmy interjected. I glared at him. The expression on my face just daring him to say what I knew he was thinking. But, alas, Jimmy knew better. He chose to keep his mouth shut rather than have my fist connect with his jaw.

"Look you guys," I said, setting down my mug of microwaved apple juice, I mean, 'apple cider' and turning to face them all. "I broke up with her. Ok? She's moved on, with some _guy_ named Bennett. Me calling her is not going to change any of that. It'll just remind me of my stupid mistakes. Besides, in case you don't know? The phone works both ways. She could've called me. But she hasn't. So I'd really appreciate it if you guys could just _back the fuck off_."

Everyone looked at one another. Jimmy looked at Ellie, who looked at Craig, who looked at Jimmy. Then they all looked at me. I think the word 'shocked' was an understatement. I didn't mean to go off on them, really I didn't. I just don't like it when people try to pressure me. This whole situation with Paige is proof of that.

Craig looked like I had just said I had kissed Santa Claus, Jimmy looked like I might pull a gun on him any second, and Ellie…well, Ellie just looked amused. There was absolute silence radiating off the walls for about a minute until finally Ellie spoke up.

"The tree looks nice."

Thank you Ellie Nash, random, yet obvious, topic generator.


	6. Miami

**Chapter Six: Miami**

_Oh please,_

_Let's be honest,_

_Sideways blinders_

_Allow reminders to stay_

_Constant, unreluctant, and consistently subject to change…_

_There is no way around them…_

"_Whoever I was then I can't ever be again"_

"_You have to, you just have to, trust me"_

_The comfort in "There's no one else"_

_The faith you've found I've never felt_

I remember a conversation Paige and I once had. It was one afternoon while we were doing our homework. We were lying on Paige's bed and I was watching her easily complete history question after history question, when I was suddenly struck by a thought.

"Why are you with me?" I asked, suddenly.

"What?" Paige asked, raising her head to look at me as if she'd completely misunderstood me.

"Why are you with me?" I repeated. She just stared at me as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Because I love you." She said, simply.

"But why? I mean, why me? I'm obviously not the most interesting person in the world. I'm trouble. I used to be a drug addict. I'm obviously not stable. I'm a total bitch with a really, really bad past and I'm your complete opposite. You could be with anyone you wanted. Why would you want to be with me?" I asked. She closed her history book, then her notebook, capped her pen, stacked them carefully and set them on the floor. She then leaned forward and looked me square in the eye.

"Look at me." She demanded, softly. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do." I replied.

"There. That right there. That look you just got on your face. Your eyes always change when you say that. They turn golden. And your expression always softens when you look at me. Whenever you do that, I get butterflies in my stomach. Everytime you tell me you love me, I feel like I can fly. I care about you more than anything. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I don't care what you've done in the past. I don't care where you come from. I don't care what other people think or say. And I don't care if it doesn't make sense. I love you. You love me. That's all that matters." She said.

She then leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips. The kiss lingered for a little while, but stayed chaste. When she pulled back, she was smiling.

"It also help that you're a really, really, really good kisser." She said, with a smirk. I grinned.

"Way to ruin the moment, Paige." I said.

"Sorry. Wanna try again?" She asked, with a sly smile. I grinned as she leaned in again.

I never questioned her again. Now, as I look back, everything she said made sense. But it wasn't enough to stop her from going to Banting. It wasn't enough to keep us together. Sometimes, I wish things were simple.


	7. Who Am I Fooling?

**Chapter Seven: Who Am I Fooling?**

There are times I wish I wasn't so closed up. Maybe if I opened up to someone every once in a while I wouldn't be so "emo." Not that I'm actually emo. It's just the only word I can think of to describe my situation. That, and I like saying that word.

But then again, opening up to someone means I'd have to show emotion. Which would totally make me vulnerable. I HATE being vulnerable. I don't trust people enough to be open. The only person I truly ever trusted with my inner thoughts and emotions was Paige. A lot of good that did me.

Ellie says I need to open up to somebody or I'm going to burst with repressed emotion. She said one day I'll be walking down the street and I'll just completely lose it. I'll fall on my knees and scream out Paige's name. I told her if I did it, it'd only be because she was beside me on the sidewalk screaming "CRRRAAAAIIIGGG!"

She shut up after that. Well, after she turned a nice shade of red…for a radish.

I don't know. Maybe Ellie's right. Maybe I should talk to someone before I pull a Marlon Brando. Well, technically it was his character, Stanley Kowalski. So I guess I should say, "Before I pull a Stanley Kowalski." Oh Christ. I'm rambling about "A Streetcar Named Desire." Wow. I need to see a psychologist. Oh, but wait. That would require opening up. And I can't do that.

I have to keep my feelings hidden. If I don't, then everyone will know what I feel. Not only will I not have my famous 'dark and mysterious' attitude anymore, but it's pretty hard to be strong when you have people giving you sympathetic looks all the time. Which I couldn't stand, anyways.

That's it. I'm done with dwelling on this. Screw sharing my feelings. I'm not letting this get to me.

Really. I'm not.


	8. Rough Landing, Holly

Chapter Eight: Rough Landing, Holly 

I never actually planned on breaking up with Paige. I had only thought about it once. I thought it'd be a good solution to the whole 'I-don't-really-want-to-go-to-Kingston' problem. But I never thought I'd actually _do it_. Needless to say, I was just as shocked as Paige was when I walked away from her in the mall that day. I had planned on coming home, curling up in bed, and having a good cry. But no. No, it seemed life had one more sour lemon in store for me.

I really did not want to see his face. But there he was. Sitting on my couch watching the Marlins/White Sox game. But he was there. He was the first familiar person I encountered post-break up and for some reason I found myself spilling my guts to him. But the biggest shocked was that he actually seemed to care, and he actually seemed sorry. I appreciated that. I think that was the nicest thing Jay Hogart has ever done for me.

After he left, I headed to my room and to my bed. But as I lay down, Paige's scent wafted to my nose and inside my head. Reaching up, I yanked the pillow (the pillow that had once belonged to Paige) out from under my head and threw it across the room. It hit the wall above my dresser with such force, that it knocked over a couple pictures I had propped up there onto their faces. I closed my eyes at the smacking sound the frames made. I ran my fingers through my hair. The smell was still there. That sweet scent of her perfume. I grabbed the other two pillows and hurled them too. One hit the door with a muffled thump and the other smacked my poster of Taking Back Sunday, hitting Fred Mascherino right in the face. I winced. _Sorry Fred_. I thought. I grabbed my blanket and pulled it over my head. I groaned as I was instantly assaulted by torrents of memories of Paige and myself making love under this very same blanket. I yanked the blanket off of myself and kicked it off the bed. It was no use. The memories were still there.

I got up and headed to the only place I'd be able to bear. The bathroom. I curled up in the tub and cried my eyes out for hours upon hours. When I was finally cried out I just lay there, staring at the cracked ceiling. My eyes burned from all the tears, but I didn't care. I just lay there and stared.

At around three in the morning, Chad wandered into the bathroom.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" He asked.

"What the hell are _you_ doing in here?" I shot right back.

"I'm taking a piss." He replied, matter-of-factly. I yanked the shower curtain shut around me. "Don't people usually take baths without clothes, and with water?"

"I'm a rebel." I replied, sarcastically. He snickered.

"Whatever." He said as he left, shutting the door behind him.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the cool tile. When sleep finally came, it was only for a little while. Bringing with it memories of Paige and I, together. I always woke up crying. If it was this bad in the bathtub, I was not going back to my bedroom.

I slept in the tub for 2 straight weeks.


	9. Chemicals React

A/N: This wasn't exactly how I pictured this chapter going. But then I decided this would make my storyline work better. Sorry, it's been awhile…I haven't had computer access. Then I got writer's block. Joy.

Chapter Nine: Chemicals React

You make me feel out of my element 

_Like I'm walking on broken glass_

_Like my world's spinning in slow motion_

_But we're moving too fast_

_Were you right? Was I wrong?_

_Were you weak? Was I strong?_

_Yeah, both of us broken_

_Caught in a moment_

_We live, till we love, till we hurt and we jump_

_But the planets all aligned when you looked into my eyes_

_And just like that the chemicals react_

I decided to take a walk. Clear my head a little. Plus my legs were getting antsy. I hated when that happened. I didn't know where I'd go. Just get out for a while. About halfway to the park I decided to turn around and head to The Dot. Maybe caffeine would help clear my head of all these damn memories.

Maybe I would take El's advice. Maybe I would talk to someone. Craig most likely. He'd been through something similar with Ashley. Plus he'd listen. He wouldn't judge me. He wouldn't say, "I told you so." He'd just listen. And that's what I needed. Someone to just listen.

As soon as I opened to door to The Dot, I regretted it. Great. Just what I needed. Spinner. He was always goofing around. I'd never seen him act serious. Which was perfectly fine if I was in a good mood. Which I wasn't.

"Hellooo Alex," he said as I approached the counter. "What can I get for you on this fine morning?"

I gave him my best death glare and he immediately dropped his bubbly demeanor.

"Sorry." He said. "What can I get you?"

"Coffee. To go. Please." I replied, pulling my wallet out of my back pocket. He quickly got my order and I paid him. He had apparently gotten the idea that talking to me wasn't a good idea because he didn't say anything else.

I turned to leave taking a sip of my coffee in the process. As I lowered my coffee, I froze. The bell above the door jingled as perfectly manicured hands tugged it open.

There she was.

Paige Michalchuk in all her glory.

She took two steps into the room and stopped dead at the sight of me. Our eyes locked. All the breath flew out of my chest and I couldn't breathe at all. My heart was beating 90 miles an hour and from the expression on her face, so was hers.

Her hair had gotten several inches longer and a shade darker. She had straightened it, so it fell around her face perfectly. Her gorgeous baby-blue eyes were glowing. She wore a black t-shirt that hugged her in all the right places. Dark hip-hugging jeans framed her perfect figure. I couldn't stop staring.

She finally moved. She started walking towards me and I felt my body going numb. She stopped only a foot away from me.

"Alex." She said softly, as if she couldn't believe I was standing there.

"Hey." I replied just as soft. "What're you doing back?"

"I'm on break. I figured I'd visit. You know?" She answered, averting her eyes slightly. She missed me. I could sense it.

"Yeah. I know" I said.

We stood there for several more awkward minutes before Spinner's voice interrupted our glorious stare-fest.

"PAIGE!" He yelled.

She gave me an apologetic look and whispered, "We'll talk later." I nodded and she headed off to greet Furby. Damn him.

As I headed out the door it hit me.

Paige was back.

She was actually back.

Oh boy!

I cannot believe I just said that.


	10. Blind Sight

Chapter Ten: Blind Sight 

As soon as I left The Dot I headed straight for Ellie's house. I had to tell her the news in person. News this important simply could not be conveyed over the phone. In no time at all I was knocking on Ellie's door.

"It's open!" I heard her yell from the living room. I burst through the door and ran into the living room almost out of breath. Ellie looked up at me from the couch. Craig was sitting next to her. I hope I didn't interrupt anything. Oh well.

"Uhm. Alex. What's up? You like you just saw a ghost." Ellie said, looking at me with concern filled eyes.

"Well, figuratively speaking…I did." I replied. Wow. English class really paid off.

"Be your pardon?" Craig spoke up.

"Paige is back." I blurted out. Both Ellie and Craig were silent for a second before Ellie spoke up.

"I'm sorry. What?" She said, tilting her head to one side.

"Paige? She's back. I just bumped into her at The Dot." I repeated.

"Wow." Was all Ellie said. I didn't blame her. I was pretty speechless myself. Craig immediately looked shifty. He was hiding something. I could sense it.

"Craig?" I asked gently, my voice taking on a hint of warning.

"Alex." He replied, not meeting my eye.

"Did you know about this?" I asked.

"Uhm. Maybe?" He replied, getting a nervous look about him.

"YOU WHAT?" Ellie yelled, jumping off the couch.

"You knew and you didn't tell me?" I asked.

"Well, I promised her I wouldn't!" He countered, getting all defensive.

"Well, why did she not want people to know?" Ellie asked what I was thinking.

"Because she didn't want to make a big deal out of it." He said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. Then it hit me. "She didn't want me to know she was back."

"That's not it." Ellie immediately said, but then paused when she noticed Craig was concentrating on the floor. "Is it?" she asked in a small voice.

"She has her reasons." He replied.

"Cut the cryptic bullshit!" I shot back, not caring that I was losing my temper…and fast. Craig seemed to realize this and quickly relented. Remind me not to tell him a secret.

"Look, I promised her I wouldn't say anything to anybody about her being back. She's in town to visit her parents for break. That's it. She didn't really want to see any of her friends except for Marco. She wouldn't tell me why. I accidentally bumped into her. Marco knows the information. I don't. You wanna know why she didn't want you or anyone to know? You talk to him." He replied.

"I'm sorry Craig." I said softly.

"It's ok." He replied.

"I still don't get it." Ellie spoke up after a minute.

"Well, there's only one way to find out." Craig said, looking at me.

"Talk to Marco" I replied.

"No, talk to Paige." He corrected.

"But you said Marco knew." Ellie protested.

"Well, he does but…" Craig trailed off as I interrupted him.

"But it has something to do with me. Which means I need to talk to Paige personally. Not go through someone else," I said.

"But she said she didn't really want to see any of her friends." Ellie said, obviously trying to talk me out of doing something I knew I was going to regret.

"Yeah. But it's Paige." Craig countered.

"Which means there's more to it." I said.

I was going to have to face her.

And by face her I mean face the woman whose heart I broke. The woman whom I still loved. The woman who probably didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I was going to have to face heartbreak, rejection, and a life without love.

Well.

Shit.


	11. Trust Me

A/N: You really should check out this song. "Trust Me" by The Fray. It's shamazing. Chapter Eleven: Trust Me 

_If I say who I know it just goes to show_

_You need me less than I need you_

_Take it from me we don't give sympathy_

_You can trust me trust nobody_

_But I said you and me we don't have honesty_

_The things we don't want to speak_

_I'll try to get out but I never will_

_Traffic is perfectly still_

_We're only taking turns holding this world_

_It's how it's always been_

_When you're older_

_You will understand._

I found myself walking down the old familiar path to Paige's house. I prayed she was home. But at the same time, I didn't want her to be. I didn't want to face the truth. The truth that she didn't want to see me because she was over me. She didn't love me anymore. A part of me knew, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear her say it.

All too soon I found myself at her door. I paced for several seconds on her doorstep. Did I really want to do this? No. Did I really need to do this? No. Well. Yes. Damnit.

I paused with my finger over the doorbell. C'mon, Nunez, you can do this. Don't be a wimp. I mentally willed myself. I closed my eyes. Counted to five. Then pressed the doorbell.

_Ding-Dong._

I heard it reverberate throughout the Michalchuk household. Within seconds I heard footsteps approaching. Oh shit. Just as I was about to turn and bolt, the doorknob turned, the door opened. And there stood Paige.

"Alex. Hi." She said, looking pleasantly surprised. "Come in."

I followed her into the cozy atmosphere I remembered so well. We reached the living room and she offered me a seat next to her on the couch. I sat down quickly. She must've sensed something was wrong.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Whydidyounotwantmetoknowyouwereback?" I blurted out, way too fast.

"What?" She asked, looking thoroughly confused.

"Why didn't you want me to know you were back?" I asked, taking the time to space out my words this go round.

She just looked at me. For several minutes, she just looked at me.

"I- How- Why would you think-" She started. Uh-uh. No innocent act Paige. Not this time.

"Craig told me." I cut her off. She let out a sigh.

"Alex. It's not what you think." She said.

"Does it have something to do with Bennett?" I asked. I was getting pissed. I don't know why. But I was getting pissed.

"What? No. Alex. We broke up. It's not him. I just. It's me." She said, quickly.

"What about you then?" I asked. Easy, Alex. Don't bite the girl's head off.

"I have my reasons, Alex." She countered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. Or to snap." I immediately apologized.

"I know." She replied, her voice softening.

She took a deep breath, when she spoke her voice was wavering.

"I'm scared." She said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Of what?" I asked, my voice dropping to a soothing tone automatically. I couldn't stand her being unhappy.

"Of us." She replied.

"Why?" I asked.

"I don't know if it's what I want. But I look at you, and I just don't know. And that scares me." She confessed,

"You don't have to be scared." I whispered.

"Alex." She whimpered.

"It's ok." I said, moving closer to her. I leaned in. Our lips were so close. I could feel the heat radiating from her body. Her warm breath from her parted lips was caressing my face. I closed my eyes. Just as our lips were about to touch, she jerked away.

"I can't." She announced, jumping up from the couch.

"Paige." I protested, gently. She ran her hands through her hair, and then pressed them to her face.

"I can't do this." She whimpered. I stood up and started to move towards her.

"No!" She jerked backwards, and moved away. "Don't touch me. Please."

I backed up, hurt. What was going on?

"I can't. Please. I just- I don't- It- You- It's not- Just- Just go." She sputtered. She was shaking something awful.

"Ok. If that's what you want." I said. I can't believe this is happening. What was wrong with her?

"Please, Alex. Not now. I need to be alone. I need to not be near you. You'll understand later." She pleaded with me. I nodded. Then swiftly turned and left.

As soon as I was out the door, I felt the tears start to fall. Damnit. Damnit. Damnit! I turned around and pressed my hand to her door.

Damnit Paige.

Damn you.


	12. Heaven Forbid

Chapter Twelve: Heaven Forbid 

I could not believe what just happened. This day was turning into some sort of weird sitcom. First Paige comes back, then I almost kiss her, then she freaks out, then I get thrown out, now I'm at Ellie's talking about it all.

"She'll come around." Ellie said, as I finished my story.

"I don't know, El. She seemed really weirded out. I don't know what's going on, but I don't like how she reacted." I said.

"I know. Just give her time, and some space." She replied, touching my arm. I smiled softly.

"Maybe." I said, not really believing her. With Paige's reaction, I doubted it.

"You said she said you'd understand later. Maybe she's got a reason she can't come to terms with yet." Ellie argued.

"I guess that could be it. Or maybe something happened with that Bennett guy. Like he cheated on her, or hurt her really bad. Emotionally, not physically. Or maybe physically. " I said. Ellie rolled her eyes. "Well, that could be it."

"Maybe. Or maybe she still has feelings for you, but is doubting them or passing them off as just excitement to see you again. And she doesn't want to wind up hurting you by going with them…so she needs time to figure out if they're genuine." Ellie suggested. I gotta hand it to her. The girl's a genius.

"It's possible." I said. She may be a genius, but I wasn't going to tell **her** that.

After I left Ellie's, I got to thinking. She was probably right. Maybe Paige was just excited to see me. After all, it had been quite a while. But that still doesn't solve my What-Do-I-Do-Now predicament. Should I call her? Go to see her again? Wait it out?

Girls are just way too complicated.


	13. Settle For A Slowdown

**Chapter Thirteen: Settle For A Slowdown**

_But your wheels just turn_

_Down the road ahead_

_You're just a tiny dot on that horizon line_

_I know there's nothing stopping you now_

_I'm not asking you to turn back around_

_I'd settle for a slow down_

So there I was. Sitting in The Dot. By myself. Enjoying a latte when in walks Paige. She takes one look at me, turns around and bolts.

What. The. Fuck.

It was like there was a little robot tagging behind her chanting "Danger, Paige Michalchuk! Danger!" She just…froze. Then ran like a scared bunny. I know I'm rambling on about her running away but; it's kind of a big deal.

I hate when she does that.

So, I just sat there for a few seconds like "Oook, what the hell just happened here?" Then I came to my senses and started to go after her. Then about halfway to the door I came to my actual senses and stopped myself.

I was not going to go running after Paige.

Oh, hell.

Who am I kidding?

Yes I was.

So I told my common sense to shut up and ran after her. I caught up with her at the corner of 5th and Edgemount.

"What was that?" I asked her. Oh damn Lex, why do you have to be so snappy?

"I just…didn't want this to happen." She said, looking at the ground.

"What? Me talking to you?" I asked.

"No. You confronting me." She said, defiantly.

"I'm not confront-" I stopped. I definitely was.

"Exactly" She replied.

"Paige, what happened yesterday?" I asked her. I wasn't going to beat around the bush any longer.

"I don't- I don't want to talk about it" She said, dropping her gaze back down to the street.

"I'm sorry." I apologized quickly.

"I have to go. I'll see you around." She said, and turned on her heel walking away. I stood there and watched her go until I couldn't see her anymore.

Way to go, Alex.

Way. To. Go.


	14. Better Than Me

**Chapter Fourteen: Better Than Me**

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remembered  
What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me_

I can't believe I did that.

I mean, why did I have to get all defensive? She's obviously going through something…and I just keep pushing. She just needs her space, that's all. She'll come to me when she's ready.

But what if she'll never be ready?

What if this whole time she's been trying to tell me goodbye and I've just been ignoring the signs? Oh God.

Well, I'll just have to accept it. I mean, I don't deserve her anyway. I know she's not perfect but…she's better than me. I'm trouble. I lie. I don't open up easily. And I have the sharing abilities of a closet. That makes no sense. But you get the point.

I know all this. But I can't help but to love her. And I can't help but to miss her. Why did I ever let her go? I had her. I. Had. Her. And then I let it all go. How could I have been so stupid?

I guess that's why.

Because I'm stupid and don't know I've got a good thing when I have it.

I keep staring at my phone like she's going to call me. I know she won't. I know she need to process things. And I know that when she does, she'll leave. She'll realize what a screw up I am. And she'll realize she deserves so much better than me.

I realize I'm being repetitive here but…I kind of need to get this out. It's one of those things.

Maybe I'll go for a walk.

Yeah. That'll help.


	15. Come Down To Me

**_A/N: This is my absolute favorite song in the universe. Saving Jane "Come Down to Me" lyrics are here:_** **_I figured it's only fitting for one of my favorite scenes I've ever written…_**

**Chapter Fifteen: Come Down To Me**

_I can't have you for mine and I know it  
I just wanna watch you shine._

_You're beautiful  
Just the way you are  
And I love it all  
Every line, and every scar  
And I wish that I could make you see  
This is where you ought to be,  
Come down to me._

I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked down the old familiar path to the park. It was getting darker outside, and the clouds hanging overhead threatened to spill rain…but I didn't care. I needed to clear my head. Bring on the rain.

I finally reached my destination fifteen minutes later. I hugged my jacket tighter around me as the rain began to fall. I walked over to the park bench overlooking the lake. I leaned against the backrest of the bench and looked out at the horizon. The rain painted the sky a beautiful blueish grey. That was when I sensed it. That feeling I got whenever I was in her presence. I closed my eyes and savored the moment. After a minute she spoke.

"What are you doing out here in the rain?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Paige." I replied, deciding it was time to turn around.

Sure enough, there she stood. Blonde hair wavy from the rain, clothes sticking to her body in all the right places. I never got tired of seeing her. I couldn't help but smile.

"You need to do that more often." She said, tilting her head to one side.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Smile. It's gorgeous." She replied, one of her own dancing on her lips.

I could feel myself starting to blush. She was the only one who could do that to me.

"Alex…" She started to say, but I cut her off. I knew where this was going.

"Don't. It's ok. I understand. I'm sorry I kept pushing you. You deserve better than me anyways."

She was silent for a moment, and then she began shaking her head slowly.

"Alex…what?" She asked.

"You've been trying to say goodbye and I've been pushing you into staying." I replied. Now she looked downright confused.

"Alex. No. I haven't been trying to say goodbye." She said quietly. I felt my insides melt. Is she saying what I think she's saying?

"You're…you're not?" I asked, not able to hide the disbelief from my voice.

"No. I've just…I've been through a lot and I'm just…cautious." She said, looking at the ground. The rain was coming down harder now, and I could feel it making my body numb. Or maybe that was just Paige…

"There's something you should know" I said softly. She took a step closer, probably because she couldn't hear me.

"What's that?" She asked. It was now or never. She needed to know.

"I never stopped loving you." I whispered quietly.

The shock was evident on her face. I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear looking at her eyes and seeing the truth. She didn't love me. I knew she didn't. Oh Jesus Alex. Why? Why the fuck did you just say that? Damnit. Damnit. Da-

I was cut off mid-curse by something I never thought I'd feel. Especially not now. Not after what I had just said. But there it was.

That amazing sensation of Paige's lips pressed against mine in a kiss that conveyed everything. All the tears, all the good moments, all the laughter…but most of all…all the love.


	16. The One That Saves Me

**A/N: Ohhhhh how this story has been driving me crazy! I've written at least 5 different versions of this chapter and finally decided on this one. Sorry it's taken me so long to post, a lot has been going on. Between exams, drama with my ex-girlfriend (whom I still have major feelings for) dating someone else, and some serious writer's block…just…rawr. But here ya go. And you can thank They-Call-Me-Orange and Sabbath purr for my writer's block being lifted. Because it seems that after I spoke with them I knew what I wanted to do. Although, Orange, they never did bring me my coffee… Song: Ryan Adams (or Oasis) "Wonderwall"**

**Chapter Sixteen: The One That Saves Me**

My world seemed to stand still for that minute. I felt as if my skin was the only thing keeping me from going in every direction at once. I was lost, yet I was found at the same time. I could feel tears welling up behind my closed eyes, but I fought them back. If I started crying she would pull back and I never wanted this to end. I never thought I would feel her this close to me, let alone her lips on mine, ever again. Not after walking away. But here she was. In all her wonder. I was afraid if she stayed this close, before too long, I would catch on fire.

"What was that?" I asked softly, after Paige finally pulled back. She stared me down. Her eyes pierced into mine. It was like she was trying to read my mind. Trying to figure out if I would reject her again like I did that terrible day in the mall. I wouldn't. She knew that.

"What do you want it to be?" She asked back. She was testing me. She wanted to see what my first reaction was. I stared into those gorgeous blue eyes of hers, shining like I'd never seen them shine before. And I knew what I wanted it to be.

I had waited what seemed like forever for this. I had spent many sleepless night wondering and worrying about whether I had lost my chance with her. When I did sleep, this was all I dreamed of. I knew what the answer to that question was the night after I broke up with her. I thought it had been obvious all this time. But then I realized how I had pushed her away. It was my defense mechanism. She had to know. I had to tell her. I had to answer her. She had to know I wanted her back.

"The start of something we should have had a long time ago." I replied. She leaned in again, but this time when I moved to kiss her, she pulled back a little bit. Her lips still brushing against mine she whispered the words I had so longed to hear.

"I never stopped loving you either"

I was gone. I lost all ability to form coherent sentences. I felt like I had just been transported into a Disney movie. Only, Paige was much more attractive than Beast. My brain was turning to mush. And my heart? Oh, my heart was on overdrive. It was beating so strongly against my ribs I was terrified it would burst right through my chest and end this perfect moment. I knew she could feel it. She was close enough to hear it too. That smile she gave me let me know she knew. She knew what she did to me.

She leaned in and closed the remaining space between us. I closed my eyes and marveled at how soft and warm she was despite the pouring rain, which we both seemed to have blissfully forgotten. It had been so long. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me as close as possible. And I was drowning. Drowning in this woman who I had longed to be with almost since the day I met her. And now I was. Drowning in this moment which I had dreamed about since I left her.

I was drowning in my now perfect world where she was mine and I was hers, and that was all that mattered.

And in that instant, it stopped raining.


	17. April Showers

**A/N: Rawr. Maps are hard to fold. Ask Orange. Song by Sugarland**

**Chapter Seventeen: April Showers**

I awoke to the delightful sensation of fingers lightly tracing up and down my bare back. Not just any fingers, mind you. Paige's fingers. And oh, how wonderful they felt. I sighed softly and heard a light giggle when I did. I opened my eyes and turned my head towards the noise and found myself staring into gorgeous baby blue eyes that sparkled with laughter and sunlight.

"What's so funny?" I whispered. She just smiled, stilling her hand and laying it flat on my back. Leaning forward, she placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"You're so cute when you wake up." She said.

"So, I'm not cute any other time?" I asked, faking grumpyness.

"No, just when you wake up." She teased. We both grinned at each other, and then continued to lay in silence as the importance of what had happened last night finally impacted us.

We always seemed to end up like this. No matter what we did, no matter what went on in our lives, we always managed to find each other. It had to be fate. I never really believed any of that 'written in the stars' bullshit. I always believed life is what you make it. I still believe that, but now I've begun to wonder if there really was such a thing as a soulmate. A person you're destined to be with. One person you're meant to find out of the sixty some billion on this earth. It was mind boggling.

It happens in movies all the time. You catch their eyes across a crowded room, or movie theater in my case, and you know. You know they're the one. As I lay here staring into hers, I know. I just know. I'm supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be with her.

She closed her eyes and snuggled forward, bringing me out of my deep thinking. I wrapped my arm around her waist and enjoyed her warmth. She was always so warm. No matter what the temperature outside or around us, she was always warm. I loved that about her. I loved a lot of things about her. Hell, I love _her_. Almost as if reading my mind, she turned and nuzzled into my neck.

"I love you" she whispered, her breath tickling my neck and making me shiver. I squeezed her tighter and closed my eyes.

"I love you too, Paige." I mumbled back. And I did. More than I ever loved anything. I felt tears sting my eyes and my heart soar at this revelation. I was so lucky. I, Alex Nunez, was happy. This fact in itself was astounding. It was crazy enough I was in love with a girl, but the fact that it was Paige? And that she loved me back? Sometimes I worried that I was dreaming.

I shuddered at the thought of waking up only to find myself alone and cold in my bed, Paige nowhere in sight. I silently begged the universe not to screw with my head. I hated it when people screwed with my head. Especially when I couldn't whoever it was's ass. I don't think the universe has an ass I can kick. And if it did, I'm pretty sure it would find itself really annoyed if I kicked it.

"Alex? Are you ok?" Paige asked me, pulling away to look in my eyes. I guess she felt me tense up. I nodded. "What are you thinking about?"

"If the universe has an ass I could kick" I replied, blushing at how foolish it sounded outside my head. She smiled and shook her head slightly.

"Why would you want to kick the universe's ass anyway?" She asked.

"In case I wake up and find that this is all a dream." I admitted, hating how vulnerable I sounded. She leaned in and kissed me, and I felt my whole body go weak. This definitely wasn't a dream.

"You won't wake up. This isn't a dream. I'm here. And I'm not leaving you. Ever." She whispered against my lips. I nodded and kissed her again.

Ok, universe. You and your imaginary ass are safe.

As long as you don't fuck with my head some other way, of course.


End file.
